The Pressures And Challenges For Young Male Dancers

The Pressure is on for the Young Male Dancer

As the curtain rises on the brightly lit stage, the young male dancer is exposed to the audience. His head spins as he worries about the costume he is wearing, the big power-lift with his female counterpart and what the audience will say about his masculinity. These fears are not only a part of the young male dancer’s performance experience– they are his reality each day in rehearsals. In fact, the male dancer faces similar fears outside of the dance studio. In essence, the young male dancer has a lot to worry about as he enters the world of dance.

Just as the discouraged young male is ready to quit dance and throw in the towel, he should remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is a light worth dancing towards. I know from personal experience that dancing towards the dream is easier said than done. The dream lies at the end of a tunnel filled with obstacles along the way. The struggles the young male dancer faces only makes him stronger if he can endure the not so easy early years of dance training.

Through my own personal account and the stories of 3 successful male dancers at different stages in their careers, I will describe the common struggles young male dancers face, tips for survival and why dancing towards the dream is well worth the fight!

My Introduction to Dance

Reflecting back on my pre-adolescent years, I can recall my first formal dance class. After spending some time on a hip-hop dance team that performed regularly for local news, I was no stranger to commercial dance. I grew up watching the greats—Michael Jackson and James Brown. I tuned in to Soul Train and was surrounded by dance music. It was only natural that I entered the world of dance. Once I was chosen for the hip-hop dance team, I was embraced with open arms by my fellow dancers! The young ladies on the team loved having a male around and would often ask me to assist them with the unfamiliar hip-hop vocabulary they were being taught. As a young male, I felt that I had it made. I was naive and believed that all dance environments would be as accepting of male dancers. Boy was I wrong!

Stories of Struggle

Early obstacles

When I finally took my first ballet class at a dance summer camp for ages 9-17, I was surprised that I was the only male in the class. The young ladies had a ball laughing, pointing out my flaws and lack of training. My masculinity was questioned, my dance ability was challenged, and my dreams of becoming a serious dance student were slowly diminishing.

A similar story comes from male dancer Ibn Snell, a junior at the Philadelphia High School for Creative and Performing Arts. This young male dancer felt the need to hide his passion for dance while in middle school. He admits, “I had troubles of people judging me in middle school. My mom would tell the principals about my dance competitions and saying vote for me and I didn’t want my friends to know.” Ibn’s story has an unexpected outcome. However, you’ll have to wait for the conclusion in the follow-up to this article.

Lost Potential

Ursinus College alum and UNC Graduate Student Nik Stasulli says, “There were definitely kids that would make fun of me when I was younger, but my real friends didn’t care and encouraged me, especially the girls that I danced with that were my age.” Nik encourages young male dancers to surround themselves with positive people who support their dream. He also encourages young dancers to follow their own heart’s desires and not listen to the negativity around them. Nik remembers a potentially brilliant male dancer from his studio who gave into the pressure. “He got made fun of a lot for it and he eventually quit because of it and i always thought that was a shame. He had so much potential, but he let the negative people around him get to him too much and he quit.” The moral of the story is to never let people destroy your dream.

Fellow dancer, Micheal Meadows recalls his introduction to the world of dance. He says, “I started dancing at the age of 18 in high school and got asked by teachers to dance for our school’s team.” Michael was the captain of the snowboarding team and found difficulty in getting support from his fellow athletes. “If you feel like you are ready to quit take a deep breath and realize your potential.”  A young male dancer with potential to become amazing at his craft, must hold on tight and look beyond the negative comments that are thrown his way… Remember that lost potential is something you cannot get back in life.

Strength, Courage, and Thick Skin

“Being a male dancer shows character and being able to stand above the rest. The industry is lacking strong male dancers, so there is a definite market for males in the dance industry,” says Michael. Indeed, it is my experience that being a young male dancer takes strength and courage. It teaches you a lot of hard life lessons while thickening your skin and preparing you for the real world.

Catch Part II of Roger’s article, Surviving and Thriving, tomorrow on the blog!

Are you a young man who dances? Have you had similar experiences?

Have you witnessed the taunting of boys in dance class?

Accentuate the Positive

Parents help competitive dance live up to its potential

Just because a pursuit is artistic, does not mean it is immune to the same negativity that can sometimes permeate the competitive sports atmosphere. We’ve all seen the screaming parents on the sideline at sporting events. But you know, offending guardians in the arts have their own label…. Stage Parents!

Though there are plenty of stage parents outside of competitive dance, the sport-like atmosphere of competing can bring out the worst in some. Still, just like sports, competitive dance has great potential to motivate students and increase self-confidence in young performers,  plus there’s the opportunity to broaden minds and discover a variety of dance styles or modes of expression… The list goes on, for there is certainly much that can be gained.

A parental approach which supports and encourages the positive aspects of an experience is the same, regardless of the activity or discipline.

I’m still new at parenting. Yet, I’ve already found success in applying some of the principles below with my toddler. Consequently, I’ve found they are fundamentally good guidelines in teaching and in leadership/management roles, as well. If you are the parent of a competitive dancer, I encourage you to share your own thoughts, views, and advice below this post.

“As a parent, how do you encourage and reinforce the positive aspects of competitive dance?”

By supporting and building the self-reliance (confidence) of dancers with your actions

A.C.T.T

Approval – Dancers need to know that their 100% effort equals your 100% approval.

• Show interest in the process not just the product. Learning to dance is an endeavor that takes time and perseverance. Learning and performing choreography is only part of that process but it easily becomes the primary focus when students are competing. Ask your child questions about what they are discovering about movement, about the art form, about themselves throughout their training. This keeps performance and competition in its place (where it belongs) as just another part of the process.
• Be aware of what you are communicating. We convey, with our bodies and with our actions, perhaps more than we could ever say with words. Showing that a mistake is not a big deal, that you are proud of a child’s efforts, that opposing teams are not the enemy, that not receiving a trophy is an opportunity rather than a disaster, that teachers and judges deserve respect is important. Action and reaction speak volumes.
• Appreciate their achievements – I’ve written about methods of praising achievement before in Appraising the Value of Praise. The article explores the difference between praise that describes the accomplishment rather than evaluating the child for succeeding (or failing) at a skill. It also offers tips for being specific when you offer praise.

Comfort – Dancers need you to help them work through disappointments and errors

• Discuss mistakes and ways to improve when your child is ready. Immediately following the performance is not the time. The appropriate time will depend on your child. However, when the moment comes, remember that discussion is key. Begin with a question, not with your solution. Listen. Help them to assess and learn from their mistakes rather than give advice on how they can be better.
• Resist joining ‘em when you can’t beat ‘em. It can be frustrating when teachers, other parents, and students around you or your child behave inappropriately or negatively. It is natural for parents to want to jump to their child’s defense when he/she is mistreated or unfavorably affected by the actions of someone else. When dealing with negativity, don’t stoop to a similar or lower level to deal with it. Instead, regard this as an opportunity to model and teach your child about appropriate and positive behavior. If your child’s safety (physical or mental) is at risk, approach the offender with calm (take a breath before choosing your action) and with respect, and consider removal from the situation if it is in your child’s best interest.
• Recognize that not all hurts require a Band-Aid. As mentioned above, parents feel compelled to protect their children. Sometimes parents will stop at nothing to find ways to fix a problem or just make their child’s hurt or disappointment go away. Often what the child needs most is someone to help them put things in perspective and learn to accept things they cannot or need not change. (also see Trust below)

Trust – Dancers need to be able to trust you and learn to trust in themselves

• Nurture trust in abilities – The goal is to raise an individual that can do for him/herself the majority of the time – sew elastic on her own ballet slippers, communicate effectively with teachers or peers, stand up for himself, be on time, etc. When you do things your child could do for himself, you undermine her self-trust.
• Be reliable – Children need to trust that you’ll always be there to offer them support when they need it. They need to trust you’ll not embarrass them by reacting negatively to a situation in front of friends or teachers. They need to trust that you’ll be consistent in upholding your values and priorities. They need to trust you’ll listen to their thoughts and desires. They need to trust that your dreams for them won’t overshadow their own dreams.

Truth – Dancers need you to be realistic

• Encourage them to do their best, not be the best. The truth is, there is no such thing as “the best,” just varying degrees of capability. Wipe the idea from your mind that a child could, would, or should be “the best” if only _______. Help children to focus on learning, growing, refining their skills so that they can best themselves.
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  Photo by Melinda Shelton

  Help them to remain focused on goals. Competitors that focus on winning or receiving a medal/reward lose perspective. They may push hard until they are awarded or surpass their competition but lose their motivation once they’ve done so. Competitors that focus on self-improvement (as an individual and/or as a a team) by setting both short-term and long-term goals experience continual success. They push themselves to succeed because even those small achievements are thrilling to attain. Parents can talk with children about the goals they’d like to set for themselves, about the goals their teacher has mentioned, and help them celebrate and even document their achievements.

• Keep it real. The truth is that no one is good at everything. Mistakes are inevitable. You really can’t win them all. Nobody is perfect. Winning an award, a trophy, a scholarship is not something you can control – your own performance is. We learn more from failures than victories. Not everyone will become a professional dancer. Dreams and goals can change. Sometimes you just don’t get what you want. Often, meeting goals takes time, patience, and determination.
  Mariangela, a dance mom who is keeping it real, offered a great piece of advice in her guest contribution here at Dance Advantage: “Be sure to love your child unconditionally. It’s easy to judge and criticize when we invest a lot of our time and energy (and money) into something. At the end of the day, they are your babies, your child before anything else.” Read the rest of her insightful article here.

Like a flower that continues to grow when all is against it, even negative environments have spawned beauty. But only the hearty survive. To grow a garden of children that value dance as an art form, value themselves and those around them, and flourish not only in dance but in life, requires that adults (teachers and parents) make every effort to provide favorable conditions. It doesn’t happen just because the potential is there.

I have written this post in response to a blogging contest run by Liberty Mutual’s ResponsibleSports.com. They are offering prizes but, more importantly, I felt the topic was relevant to Dance Advantage  readers. I hope you find this post equals the standard of the others here. I was pleased to find that ResponsibleSports is really an excellent resource which provides parents with tips on how to talk with children and with coaches, and offers tools to accentuate the positives in team sports. Their materials most certainly apply to dance and I encourage you to visit and check it out for yourself!