Accentuate the Positive

Parents help competitive dance live up to its potential

Just because a pursuit is artistic, does not mean it is immune to the same negativity that can sometimes permeate the competitive sports atmosphere. Offending guardians in the arts even have their own label…. Stage Parents!

Though there are plenty of stage parents outside of competitive dance, the sport-like atmosphere of competing can bring out the worst in some dance parents. Still many recognize that competitive dance has great potential to motivate students, increase self-confidence in young performers, broaden minds to include a variety of dance styles and types of expression… The list goes on, for there is certainly much that can be gained.

“As a parent, how do you encourage and reinforce the positive aspects of youth sports?”

The folks at ResponsibleSports.com are asking bloggers to address this question. Competitive dance may not specifically be on the minds of the organizers. However, a parental approach which supports and encourages is fundamentally the same, regardless of the activity or discipline.

I’m still new at parenting. Yet, I’ve already found success in applying some of the principles below with my toddler. Consequently, I’ve found they are fundamentally good rules of thumb in teaching and in leadership/management roles, as well. If you are the parent of a competitive dancer, I encourage you to share your own thoughts, views, and advice below this post.

So, how DO you encourage and reinforce the positive aspects of competitive dance?

By supporting and building the self-reliance (confidence) of dancers with your actions

A.C.T.T

Approval – Dancers need to know that their 100% effort equals your 100% approval.

• Show interest in the process not just the product. Learning to dance is an endeavor that takes time and perseverance. Learning and performing choreography is only part of that process but it easily becomes the primary focus when students are competing. Ask your child questions about what they are discovering about movement, about the art form, about themselves throughout their training. This keeps performance and competition in its place (where it belongs) as just another part of the process.
• Be aware of what you are communicating. We convey, with our bodies and with our actions, perhaps more than we could ever say with words. Showing that a mistake is not a big deal, that you are proud of a child’s efforts, that opposing teams are not the enemy, that not receiving a trophy is an opportunity rather than a disaster, that teachers and judges deserve respect is important. Action and reaction speak volumes.
• Appreciate their achievements – I’ve written about methods of praising achievement before in Appraising the Value of Praise. The article explores the difference between praise that describes the accomplishment rather than evaluating the child for succeeding (or failing) at a skill. It also offers tips for being specific when you offer praise.

Comfort – Dancers need you to help them work through disappointments and errors

• Discuss mistakes and ways to improve when your child is ready. Immediately following the performance is not the time. The appropriate time will depend on your child. However, when the moment comes, remember that discussion is key. Begin with a question, not with your solution. Listen. Help them to assess and learn from their mistakes rather than give advice on how they can be better.
• Resist joining ‘em when you can’t beat ‘em. It can be frustrating when teachers, other parents, and students around you or your child behave inappropriately or negatively. It is natural for parents to want to jump to their child’s defense when he/she is mistreated or unfavorably affected by the actions of someone else. When dealing with negativity, don’t stoop to a similar or lower level to deal with it. Instead, regard this as an opportunity to model and teach your child about appropriate and positive behavior. If your child’s safety (physical or mental) is at risk, approach the offender with calm (take a breath before choosing your action) and with respect, and consider removal from the situation if it is in your child’s best interest.
• Recognize that not all hurts require a Band-Aid. As mentioned above, parents feel compelled to protect their children. Sometimes parents will stop at nothing to find ways to fix a problem or just make their child’s hurt or disappointment go away. Often what the child needs most is someone to help them put things in perspective and learn to accept things they cannot or need not change. (also see Trust below)

Trust – Dancers need to be able to trust you and learn to trust in themselves

• Nurture trust in abilities – The goal is to raise an individual that can do for him/herself the majority of the time – sew elastic on her own ballet slippers, communicate effectively with teachers or peers, stand up for himself, be on time, etc. When you do things your child could do for himself, you undermine her self-trust.
• Be reliable – Children need to trust that you’ll always be there to offer them support when they need it. They need to trust you’ll not embarrass them by reacting negatively to a situation in front of friends or teachers. They need to trust that you’ll be consistent in upholding your values and priorities. They need to trust you’ll listen to their thoughts and desires. They need to trust that your dreams for them won’t overshadow their own dreams.

Truth – Dancers need you to be realistic

• Encourage them to do their best, not be the best. The truth is, there is no such thing as “the best,” just varying degrees of capability. Wipe the idea from your mind that a child could, would, or should be “the best” if only _______. Help children to focus on learning, growing, refining their skills so that they can best themselves.
• 

  Photo by Melinda Shelton

  Help them to remain focused on goals. Competitors that focus on winning or receiving a medal/reward lose perspective. They may push hard until they are awarded or surpass their competition but lose their motivation once they’ve done so. Competitors that focus on self-improvement (as an individual and/or as a a team) by setting both short-term and long-term goals experience continual success. They push themselves to succeed because even those small achievements are thrilling to attain. Parents can talk with children about the goals they’d like to set for themselves, about the goals their teacher has mentioned, and help them celebrate and even document their achievements.

• Keep it real. The truth is that no one is good at everything. Mistakes are inevitable. You really can’t win them all. Nobody is perfect. Winning an award, a trophy, a scholarship is not something you can control – your own performance is. We learn more from failures than victories. Not everyone will become a professional dancer. Dreams and goals can change. Sometimes you just don’t get what you want. Often, meeting goals takes time, patience, and determination.
  Mariangela, a dance mom who is keeping it real, offered a great piece of advice in her guest contribution here at Dance Advantage: “Be sure to love your child unconditionally. It’s easy to judge and criticize when we invest a lot of our time and energy (and money) into something. At the end of the day, they are your babies, your child before anything else.” Read the rest of her insightful article here.

Like a flower that continues to grow when all is against it, even negative environments have spawned beauty. But only the hearty survive. To grow a garden of children that value dance as an art form, value themselves and those around them, and flourish not only in dance but in life, requires that adults (teachers and parents) make every effort to provide favorable conditions. It doesn’t happen just because the potential is there.

I have written this post in response to a blogging contest run by Liberty Mutual’s ResponsibleSports.com. They are offering prizes but, more importantly, I felt the topic was relevant to Dance Advantage  readers. I hope you find this post equals the standard of the others here. I was pleased to find that ResponsibleSports is really an excellent resource which provides parents with tips on how to talk with children and with coaches, and offers tools to accentuate the positives in team sports. Their materials most certainly apply to dance and I encourage you to visit and check it out for yourself!

College Days Ahead? Don’t Miss “College Parent Central”

I’ve provided a series of posts on Dance Advantage that provide prospective dance majors and minors with necessary tools for navigating within the dance department. CLICK HERE to visit The College Guide.

The transition to college, however, is a significant one. Therefore, I’d like to share a new resource called College Parent Central. As the blog name indicates, its focus is on arming the parents of college students with the tools they need to assist their college student. The information within, though, is just as relevant for students who wish to prepare themselves for what lies ahead.

Here are just a few samples of what you’ll find there:

The Course Syllabus: Roadmap to Success
Summer Preparations For Your College Student’s Transition to Freshman Year
Should My Student Consider Deferring Enrollment for College?
What Should My College Student Consider When Choosing a Schedule of Classes?
College Students and Credit Cards
Should My College Student Have a Car on Campus?
Discussing Campus Safety With Your College Student

Enjoy exploring the site!

College students, are there websites or blogs you would recommend to others about to head off to college?

When Should My Child See A Doctor for Dance Injuries?

Most injuries in dance don’t happen suddenly. Instead, students often suffer from chronic overuse injuries. Some minor impairments can be treated without visiting a physician. Too often, though, smaller injuries become more severe because proper care is not administered early or because dancers continue self-care despite warning signs that more specialized care may be necessary.

Parents and teachers of children and teens want to know, “What are the warning signs that a dance student should see a doctor?”

1.  Here is what you need to know…

Pain = Cause for Concern

Pain is our body’s way of telling us something is wrong. Even the youngest children (3 or 4 years of age) can tell us where and when something hurts. Unfortunately, sometimes dancers learn very early to overlook or ignore pain. Teachers and parents can create an environment in which students develop a mindset to recognize and respect their body’s warning signals. There is no gain in ignoring pain.

2.  Here is the answer to the question…

If the pain, discomfort, or problem persists beyond 2-4 days, your child should see a doctor.

Acute Injuries

These are usually obvious because they come about as a result of an incident. Landing wrong from a jump. Falling from a lift. Slipping while crossing the stage. Severe injuries like broken bones obviously need immediate attention and a visit to the doctor. For most common ailments…

1. First aid suggests the R.I.C.E method (rest, ice, compression, and elevation) for strains, sprains, swelling, etc.
2. In addition, staying hydrated and eating well promotes healing.
3. See #2 above

More about treating common dance injuries

Overuse/Chronic injuries

Overuse or chronic injuries are sometimes triggered by an event that is allowed to persist without proper rest or rehabilitation. However, often they are caused or aggravated by other circumstances (this is a great list, adapted from this one about kids in sports):

• growth spurts
• imbalance between strength and flexibility
• inadequate warm-up
• excessive activity (for example, increased intensity, duration, or frequency of training)
• improper technique
• unsuitable floors

Signals of Chronic Pain

Deborah Vogel (thebodyseries.com) offers these four signals of chronic pain, as well as an excellent explanation of  how dance injuries start in small ways, in an article about a hamstring/sciatic injury. I highly recommend you read her words for yourself.

1. Pain that gets progressively worse during working out.
2. Pain that comes after you work out and the next day comes back after less working.
3. Pain that is accompanied by a certain movement (e.g. arabesque).
4. No real sense of “pain” but a definite restriction of movement.

It is normal to have temporary muscle soreness after a challenging class or when working in a new way. Anything that persists, particularly in the ways mentioned above, should be discussed with a physician or dance/athelete specialist. This should be done sooner, rather than later (see #2 above).

A Note on Anti-Inflammatory Drugs

These are often overused in the dance community. Sometimes a doctor will recommend them and they can help bring down swelling. However, they are misused when taken to “get through a class” or otherwise mask pain (see #1 at the top of this post).

Reinjury

Dancers often re-injure themselves when they return too quickly to activity. Temporary muscle soreness can sometimes improve with a return to class. However, if moving makes it feel worse, the body may need more rehabilitation time and/or medical attention.

After and injury, always ease back into activity. It is better to be safe than sorry. Dancers don’t like to hear this when they are eager to get back or feel pressure to return to class but, remind them that temporary setbacks are just that – temporary, and not worth permanently injuring oneself.

“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

Prevention

Of course, preventing injury in the first place is ideal. Although sometimes this is not entirely possible there is a lot a parents can do to keep their dance students injury-free.

Find a studio that is committed to safety

• What is your studio’s philosophy?
• Is there proper flooring (i.e. – something sprung or with some “give”)?

Find a studio that is committed to quality instruction

• Do the students spend a reasonable portion of their class warming-up (not stretching but individual body-part and full-body exercises that encourage blood flow)?
• Are students encouraged to master foundational basics before moving on?
• Do students receive individual attention and feedback from their teachers?
• Etc… (see this series for more on quality instruction)

Encourage dancers to stay hydrated

• How much water is really necessary is debated, however, there are many active dancers that probably do not drink enough water. Here are some suggestions to improve water intake.

Encourage healthy, balanced nutrition

• I know this can be a tough one for families and kids on the go but it is so important! Here are some good pointers on healthy eating from kidshealth.org. Another great resource: nourishinteractive.com

Some other things you can do

• Encourage rest and proper sleep habits
• Encourage a positive outlook
• Remove the stress and pressure to “work through” or “push on” through injury
• Try cross-training with other activities (not to load extra onto already tired kids but to promote balance in the body; you might even speak to your child’s teacher or studio owner about alternatives within the studio)

Check Out These Related Articles!!

Learning How to Gauge Injuries Can Prevent You From Being Sidelined

This is an excellent article from Dance Spirit magazine. It offers easy guidelines about when to sit out and when to see a doctor.

Talking to Your Doctor About Injuries

Another one from Dance Spirit, this article lays out exactly what doctor’s need to know from dancers. A dancer’s “normal” may be different than a non-dancer due to the type of training dancers receive. Physicians need to know what you were capable of before your injury. This article has a lot of great information and stresses that dancers should not minimize their pain, as is their tendency.

Breaking Tiny Foot Bones

Stress fracture signs and treatment on Ballet Shoes and Pointe Shoes Blog.

Exclusively Ours — Anthony LoCascio Talks About Danceregister

In case you haven’t noticed, social networks are all the rage. Since 2002, when MySpace emerged as one of the Internet’s earliest leaders in social networking, interaction online has been focused upon building communities within this vast realm.

One such community focused entirely on dance is Danceregister.com. Though you may not have heard of it yet, the site has been around since 2007. According to Anthony LoCascio, the master teacher and Tap Dogs alum who helms the community, “Danceregister seeks to unify the dance world and to increase the strength of present dance-related entities for a more prolific future of dance in the physical, mental, and digital world.” Based in the Silicon Valley, Danceregister is in an excellent geographic position to investigate, explore, and test online technologies and ideas before they are widely exposed to the public. Therefore, Danceregister is ever-evolving, making use of these new technologies to further their mission, which is to create a positive legacy that represents and makes available, all aspects of the dance studio community in one safe, helpful, user-friendly, positive, like-minded network.

Anthony took some time to talk with me about social networks, Danceregister, and the online dance community.

Dance Advantage: In 2007 you launched Danceregister.com, a “gated social networking community.” Who is Danceregister for?

Anthony LoCascio: Though it was originally created for the safety of dancers, Danceregister ultimately became useful to each individual demographic of the dance industry. Our community is utilized by studio owners, teachers, students, parents, merchants, services, and even other dance-related web sites. It is exclusively ours, exclusively dance!

DA: I understand that parents are notified when their child applies to join Danceregister. That’s a great way to keep parents in the loop about their child’s activity online.

AL: We do send an email to the parent, as well as verification letters to dance studios. We monitor the site personally and have a volunteer “crew” to report anything suspicious in the community. In two years we have had a perfect record when it comes to the safety of our members.

DA: A gated community implies that there are additional security measures that ensure student safety. Are there ways you make certain that only members of the dance community are gathering at Danceregister?

AL: Because nothing in the world is perfect, we use a few methods which act as a checks and balances system. Some we make public and others we keep private. All of this is because of our main goal – safety. No other dance website can claim they are as safe as us.

DA: You are extremely passionate about the subject of online safety and I know that Danceregister was born in part from your concerns about students’ security on MySpace and other networks. What are some of the dangers related to the use of social networking sites?

AL: The idea is not to scare anyone but to educate them on the facts, both good and bad. In addition to personal safety concerns on Myspace and Facebook, there are issues that may result in damage to your computer, the spread of viruses, unauthorized access to accounts, and spam.

Teachers are also quickly learning that by using social networks they expose themselves to a “business mixing with personal life” scenario. Just because they don’t think to search out students online, doesn’t mean students are not searching for them. Plus assistant teachers may not be mature enough to see the damage one posted photo or video can do to a business. Look at Vanessa Hugeness (Disney), past American Idol contestants (Fox) or previous pageant winners (Trump Enterprises). Ask them what one mistake on the net can do to a person or how it can hurt a product or business. Also, studios are their own living, evolving worlds that can contain drama. Danceregister deters drama where a site like Bebo, Myspace, Youtube, or Facebook can easily fuel drama.

DA: So, in your opinion, should dance studios stay away from these larger networks altogether?

AL: When used properly, these sites can be useful. It would be wise to have a studio profile on all Facebook and Linkedin-type sites. These profiles should be used as marketing tools. They should include limited but clear contact info or links to your own studio web site. They should be seen as a way to direct traffic to your own web pages, not to “friend” students and parents. Studios should use these sites primarily for marketing and directing business. Danceregister, with its security measures, is better suited for personal networking and in-studio communication.

DA: Danceregister is free to join, will this always be the case?

AL: With the community currently small enough to control, we will continue to be free of charge. However, with provision of safety, technology, time and exposure comes growth and additional costs. In the future we may charge a nominal fee for a lifetime membership. This is to guarantee each and every parent has knowledge of their younger dancer’s presence in our network. As membership requests become more dense, this fee will help support the site and provide a faster even more efficient verification process. We can project the fee won’t be applied until late 2009 to mid 2010 and that it will be a minimum of $8.95 and not exceed $14.95 plus tax. The goal is to have the least expensive fee for a lifetime so there is no hassle associated with reoccurring fees.

One goal, which is firmly in place and will continue to be a focus, is to charge no fees for studio owners/teachers. However, to keep the site at certain standards, there will be fees for merchants & services in the future. I do not want Danceregister to become inundated with advertisements. We are not a vehicle which plans to rely on advertising. Danceregister has a personal, friendly, positive relationship with its users and represents itself and not other corporations. Any adverts will be limited in quantity and location.

DA: What are some of the things a parent, for instance, might do at Danceregister?

AL: There’s so much to do there. They could check out our forums, get or give advice, write reviews of conventions or competitions, post video, photos, quizzes, polls, and more all in a safe environment. They could consult with master teachers, visit my live chat (which occurs Mondays and Wednesdays from 3:30 to 4:30 PST), post questions to adjudicators of competitions, share or obtain knowledge of the dance world by reading live news and updates, and develop personal relationships within the global dance community. They could also look up their home studio’s information (each studio is divided into “mini-communities” or subsets), chat live via IM or audio/video with other parents, or have a meeting with a teacher — fewer trips into the studio!

And all of this applies for everyone, not just parents!

DA: In addition to running Danceregister, you are also a teacher. Do you think technology is changing the way we teach or the way students learn?

AL: Dance websites and exposure to individuals and ideas has been excellent for the dance community, as has accessibility and the ability to download instructional videos. I have a Dance4teachers subscriber who takes my tap DVD’s, uploads them to her Mac, and puts them on her ipod touch. Now she can reference them during class right in the palm of her hand. That is a big leap (pun intended) from less than 10 years ago when I was still sending people VHS tapes!

DA: What are some of your favorite resources for dancers and dance educators online?

AL: Early in 1999, when I started my first web site, just4tap.com, dance had a very limited online presence – mostly on forums. Therefore, there is great history on a forum site like dance.net. With blogs gaining recognition over the past few years, they have become the personal voices of the dance community. Tapdanceman, and Danceadvantage are blogs I personally frequent. Danceregister even has a public blog for people who are not part of the private community.

For investigating or developing professional dance gigs, there are sites like sceneinteractive, exploretalent, and many others. For music editing or cutting songs for a performance, there is www.musiceditingonline.com. Plus every dance media outlet now has web representation.

DA: Dance has certainly exploded online recently. How have you seen the Danceregister community grow and change since it began?

AL: When I started Danceregister, I had about 125 members and they were all from my local classes. The major focus of Danceregister was safety and due to the safety issues on MySpace, I chose not to advertise Danceregister directly to the public. Year one was all about working on the best ways to cost effectively provide an environment where it was safe to post videos and photos and chat about dance in a like-minded positive setting. I only used word of mouth to expose the community. That said, we had just over 350 members by the end of the first year.

Now confident in the verification system we had implemented since day one, year two’s focus has included content and exposure. We hit over 1000 members just before our two-year mark and have a great deal of content now on the site. It is time to let people know about Danceregister. Students are having fun, parents have peace of mind, and studios are starting to catch on to the communication benefits of the network. After all this hard work I am determined to get the word out! DA: Well, I love to point my readers to dance resources online so, I’m happy to help with that part. Can you tell us more about what’s on the horizon for Danceregister? AL: I am planning a video blog on Danceregister in September. These videos will follow me on an upcoming tour as I return to the stage with Tap Dogs. We are planning a contest also for September.  Just a few of the prizes are iPods, Danceregister swag, iTunes/Napster/Rhapsody gift cards valued from $25 to $50, DVD classes provided by Dance4students, and more. The top prize will be a gift certificate for two concert tickets of your choice. I personally will be present at the Rhee Gold Teacher conference this summer. If you are at the event please feel free to stop by and say hello. Danceregister will have a table in the Exhibit Hall.

Excavating the Archives – Don’t Miss These Posts!

I hereby declare Fridays links day on Dance Advantage!

One of my goals at Dance Advantage is to connect readers to other places and spaces online so that you don’t have to search high and low for great resources yourself! Generally Fridays will be a day to point you elsewhere in this world wide web. However, because it is the nature of blogs to feature the latest posts and entries, older posts can get buried. So, I thought I’d kick things off by “kinecting” you to some older posts within Dance Advantage that you may have missed!

(Bonus! All of these posts contain links to other sites! — Talk about Kinected!)

1. Costume Crisis – What to do when dance costume companies fail you at recital time
2. Fostering Artistry in Young or Beginning Dancers - First steps: Ask a child to be creative.
   
3. DanceMom.com – A forum for dance parents
   
4. Dancing With Conscience – Dancers and dance organizations that are making a difference
   
5. Art or Not? Musings on Dance, Art, and Entertainment
6. Eye of the Beholder – This one is just for fun! Do you know which way the dancer is spinning?
7. Two Heads Are Better Than One - More wonderful online resources! Deb Vogel and Lisa Howell join forces.
8. Reflection and Journaling for Dancers – Types of journals and the usefulness of keeping a “dance diary”
9. Classic Confusion – Sorting out labels in dance like classical, modern, and contemporary.
   
10. Bullying in Dance Class - Do girls bully? You bet! Don’t miss the resources and info in this one!

Appraising the Value of Praise

One of the desires of a teacher or a parent is to create an environment within which self-esteem can grow in a child. The goal is to build confidence in a healthy way so that they can better deal with the every-day adversities and challenges that life brings, both as children and adults. Often, parents and teachers take action by providing children with plenty of praise, accolades, and awards. But, is there such a thing as too much praise? Is it possible for praise to backfire? How can one instill confidence without creating a dependence on external approval?

Too Much of a Good Thing?

Most experts seem to agree that empty praise like “Good job!” or “You’re awesome!” is ineffective because children recognize that these statements are not always accurately or sincerely offered. It has been found that students praised for being smart are less motivated to achieve than those appreciated for working hard. They believe their intelligence to be unchangeable rather than something that can be improved upon, in turn affecting their performance:

“Kids who get too much praise are less likely to take risks, are highly sensitive to failure and are more likely to give up when faced with a challenge.” – Why Praise Can Be Bad For Kids, ABC news

As you can see, because of such findings, it has often been surmised that too much praise can be a bad thing (as noted in the quote above). However, similar outcomes might also apply in students who are continually criticized. So is too much praise really the problem or is it something else?

Descriptive and Appreciative vs. Evaluative

A statement is evaluative any time we use “good,” “poor,” or “excellent” to label a person, skill, or effort.  Assigning a judgment tells the dancer how they should feel about themselves or what they did. Faced with continuous evaluation (be it positive or negative) by others, a student begins to depend on this feedback for forming opinions about themselves (self-approval/disapproval).

Evaluative Statements provide only temporary results. Sooner or later a student will find they cannot live up to your assessment. They may try to prove you wrong or, become discouraged, remembering all the times they weren’t “great” or “sweet,” or, feel disappointment any time their pirouettes are not deemed “wonderful.” Children labeled as “good” at something are less likely to discover exactly what their strengths or weaknesses are and therefore cannot build upon these things. Their improvement may slow or stop altogether or, they may focus only on this area, striving for more approval.

Why Do We Evaluate?

There are many reasons we fall into a cycle of evaluative praise or judgments. One, it’s easy and requires little thought. Another, more subliminal reason is because it creates dependency. It makes our opinions about what is good or bad matter and encourages the student to conform to our ideals, keeping us in a position of authority.

Can You Be More Specific?

Professionals in the field of education encourage teachers and parents to be specific when offering praise and, to avoid labeling children. Recognizing that students respond better when the focus is on the effort or work involved, it is presumed that the type of praise, not the amount, affects performance and motivation. “Your pirouettes look great!” is more specific than “Great job, Alison!” “Brooke, you’re spotting really well.” is clearer still. Even more effective, because it focuses on the work involved, might be something like “Hayden, you’ve been working hard on your alignment at the barre. Your pirouettes look wonderful!”

However, consider the power of a statement that avoids evaluating even the skill itself and, instead, simply describes and appreciates their accomplishment. For instance:

EVALUATIVE — “Hayden, you’ve been working hard on your alignment at the barre. Your pirouettes look wonderful!”

DESCRIPTIVE — “Hayden, thank you for working so hard on your alignment at the barre. Your turns have really improved!“

Descriptive and Appreciative Praise may seem unnatural or more cumbersome at first. It is likely that you will occasionally find yourself offering an evaluative statement – don’t be too hard on yourself! As you know, practice is key to forming positive habits and change. Like the comment to Hayden above, many times only a slight change is needed to make a remark more descriptive and less evaluative. It won’t take long until you’ve mastered the technique!

Here are some simple guidelines:

• Use “Thank you for…” instead of “Good job.” to show your appreciation for their work/attitude.
• Describe specifically what you see, hear, or feel - “Your spotting was really crisp and clear.” vs. “You’re a great turner.” or “Your comment to Jill hurt her feelings.” vs. “What a mean thing to say!”
• Stick to the facts about how you feel - “When you talk in class, I feel frustrated that I have to talk over you to be heard. It concerns me that you won’t hear what I have to say.” vs. “It is really rude to talk while I’m talking. You obviously don’t care about your dancing.” (I, I, I instead of you, you, you)
• Present a bigger challenge – “Now, try a triple pirouette!” vs. “Excellent double!” This works for a negative, too. If the students are spinning like tops but not maintaining their turnout don’t congratulate them for getting a quadruple, ask “Can you keep your legs turned out and still do the quad?”
• Avoid labeling – “Thanks for helping me put away the props!” vs. “You are so sweet!” or “I don’t appreciate your tone.” vs. “Alright, Ms. Attitude, that’s enough!”

With your conscious effort to select words that are encouraging without being controlling, that focus on the deed not the doer, your students will be able to form their own opinions about themselves, their actions, and abilities. By fostering, rather than fashioning their healthy self-esteem, your students can feel secure, capable, and supported and will become more confident and responsible as a result.

Further Reading

• Praise That Builds a Child’s Self-Esteem
• The Power of Praise
• Why Praise Can Be Bad For Kids
• Montessori Classroom – Descriptive and Evaluative Praise
• Can Adults Praise Children Too Much? (some alternative opinions presented here)

Practice some Descriptive Praise right now!

1. List three things that you might want to praise your students for in your next class.
2. Then, select ways you might state your praise descriptively.
3. Look for opportunities to use the phrases you’ve prepared/practiced in your next class.

Be sure to list your three phrases below in the comments so that others can see some more great examples!

And, let us know if you use or try this technique in class and share your results or thoughts!

GUEST POST: Life as a Dance Mom – Finding the Balance Between Friend and Fanatic