Accentuate the Positive

Parents help competitive dance live up to its potential

Just because a pursuit is artistic, does not mean it is immune to the same negativity that can sometimes permeate the competitive sports atmosphere. Offending guardians in the arts even have their own label…. Stage Parents!

Though there are plenty of stage parents outside of competitive dance, the sport-like atmosphere of competing can bring out the worst in some dance parents. Still many recognize that competitive dance has great potential to motivate students, increase self-confidence in young performers, broaden minds to include a variety of dance styles and types of expression… The list goes on, for there is certainly much that can be gained.

“As a parent, how do you encourage and reinforce the positive aspects of youth sports?”

The folks at ResponsibleSports.com are asking bloggers to address this question. Competitive dance may not specifically be on the minds of the organizers. However, a parental approach which supports and encourages is fundamentally the same, regardless of the activity or discipline.

I’m still new at parenting. Yet, I’ve already found success in applying some of the principles below with my toddler. Consequently, I’ve found they are fundamentally good rules of thumb in teaching and in leadership/management roles, as well. If you are the parent of a competitive dancer, I encourage you to share your own thoughts, views, and advice below this post.

So, how DO you encourage and reinforce the positive aspects of competitive dance?

By supporting and building the self-reliance (confidence) of dancers with your actions

A.C.T.T

Approval – Dancers need to know that their 100% effort equals your 100% approval.

• Show interest in the process not just the product. Learning to dance is an endeavor that takes time and perseverance. Learning and performing choreography is only part of that process but it easily becomes the primary focus when students are competing. Ask your child questions about what they are discovering about movement, about the art form, about themselves throughout their training. This keeps performance and competition in its place (where it belongs) as just another part of the process.
• Be aware of what you are communicating. We convey, with our bodies and with our actions, perhaps more than we could ever say with words. Showing that a mistake is not a big deal, that you are proud of a child’s efforts, that opposing teams are not the enemy, that not receiving a trophy is an opportunity rather than a disaster, that teachers and judges deserve respect is important. Action and reaction speak volumes.
• Appreciate their achievements – I’ve written about methods of praising achievement before in Appraising the Value of Praise. The article explores the difference between praise that describes the accomplishment rather than evaluating the child for succeeding (or failing) at a skill. It also offers tips for being specific when you offer praise.

Comfort – Dancers need you to help them work through disappointments and errors

• Discuss mistakes and ways to improve when your child is ready. Immediately following the performance is not the time. The appropriate time will depend on your child. However, when the moment comes, remember that discussion is key. Begin with a question, not with your solution. Listen. Help them to assess and learn from their mistakes rather than give advice on how they can be better.
• Resist joining ‘em when you can’t beat ‘em. It can be frustrating when teachers, other parents, and students around you or your child behave inappropriately or negatively. It is natural for parents to want to jump to their child’s defense when he/she is mistreated or unfavorably affected by the actions of someone else. When dealing with negativity, don’t stoop to a similar or lower level to deal with it. Instead, regard this as an opportunity to model and teach your child about appropriate and positive behavior. If your child’s safety (physical or mental) is at risk, approach the offender with calm (take a breath before choosing your action) and with respect, and consider removal from the situation if it is in your child’s best interest.
• Recognize that not all hurts require a Band-Aid. As mentioned above, parents feel compelled to protect their children. Sometimes parents will stop at nothing to find ways to fix a problem or just make their child’s hurt or disappointment go away. Often what the child needs most is someone to help them put things in perspective and learn to accept things they cannot or need not change. (also see Trust below)

Trust – Dancers need to be able to trust you and learn to trust in themselves

• Nurture trust in abilities – The goal is to raise an individual that can do for him/herself the majority of the time – sew elastic on her own ballet slippers, communicate effectively with teachers or peers, stand up for himself, be on time, etc. When you do things your child could do for himself, you undermine her self-trust.
• Be reliable – Children need to trust that you’ll always be there to offer them support when they need it. They need to trust you’ll not embarrass them by reacting negatively to a situation in front of friends or teachers. They need to trust that you’ll be consistent in upholding your values and priorities. They need to trust you’ll listen to their thoughts and desires. They need to trust that your dreams for them won’t overshadow their own dreams.

Truth – Dancers need you to be realistic

• Encourage them to do their best, not be the best. The truth is, there is no such thing as “the best,” just varying degrees of capability. Wipe the idea from your mind that a child could, would, or should be “the best” if only _______. Help children to focus on learning, growing, refining their skills so that they can best themselves.
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  Photo by Melinda Shelton

  Help them to remain focused on goals. Competitors that focus on winning or receiving a medal/reward lose perspective. They may push hard until they are awarded or surpass their competition but lose their motivation once they’ve done so. Competitors that focus on self-improvement (as an individual and/or as a a team) by setting both short-term and long-term goals experience continual success. They push themselves to succeed because even those small achievements are thrilling to attain. Parents can talk with children about the goals they’d like to set for themselves, about the goals their teacher has mentioned, and help them celebrate and even document their achievements.

• Keep it real. The truth is that no one is good at everything. Mistakes are inevitable. You really can’t win them all. Nobody is perfect. Winning an award, a trophy, a scholarship is not something you can control – your own performance is. We learn more from failures than victories. Not everyone will become a professional dancer. Dreams and goals can change. Sometimes you just don’t get what you want. Often, meeting goals takes time, patience, and determination.
  Mariangela, a dance mom who is keeping it real, offered a great piece of advice in her guest contribution here at Dance Advantage: “Be sure to love your child unconditionally. It’s easy to judge and criticize when we invest a lot of our time and energy (and money) into something. At the end of the day, they are your babies, your child before anything else.” Read the rest of her insightful article here.

Like a flower that continues to grow when all is against it, even negative environments have spawned beauty. But only the hearty survive. To grow a garden of children that value dance as an art form, value themselves and those around them, and flourish not only in dance but in life, requires that adults (teachers and parents) make every effort to provide favorable conditions. It doesn’t happen just because the potential is there.

I have written this post in response to a blogging contest run by Liberty Mutual’s ResponsibleSports.com. They are offering prizes but, more importantly, I felt the topic was relevant to Dance Advantage  readers. I hope you find this post equals the standard of the others here. I was pleased to find that ResponsibleSports is really an excellent resource which provides parents with tips on how to talk with children and with coaches, and offers tools to accentuate the positives in team sports. Their materials most certainly apply to dance and I encourage you to visit and check it out for yourself!

Mustering their Motivation: Strategies for Engaging and Inspiring Students

What do you do with an unmotivated student?

Ignore them and hope they’ll go away?

Scream or threaten until you’re blue in the face?

Let’s face it. These students have a way of either zapping or absorbing much of your time and spirit. It can be hard to want to pour more of yourself into inspiring these lackluster learners. But, as a teacher, you feel compelled to instill a passion for dance. So, how can you motivate students in a way that won’t deplete your energy reserves?

1. Build Confidence

Frequently, when kids start refusing or resisting something it is because they believe or are afraid they can’t do it (no matter what kind of attitude or brave face they put on). Do your best not to skip over essential building blocks in technique, performance, and artistry and don’t hesitate to take a step or two backward if necessary. Taking things apart or breaking them down into parts allows students to put the puzzle together one piece at a time, slowly building their confidence through things they can do.

2. Just Ask

Sometimes just changing your approach to students can make a difference. Try asking, in a genuine manner, what you can do to make class better for them – “I’ve noticed you don’t seem to like barre very much. Is there something I can do that will make it more fun?” Their ideas may surprise you! Maybe they’d like more upbeat music, maybe they get tired of doing the same exercises all the time, maybe they get frustrated with too many corrections. Consider also offering choices: “Would you like to do pirouettes or jumps today?” Be willing to compromise and open the lines of communication in a non-threatening and inclusive way.

3. Go Figure

Generally if a student is in your class they like something about dance! Make an attempt to discover what that one thing is. This may or may not be directly dance-related. Perhaps it is a portion of class, maybe it is the thrill of performing, it might even be socializing with friends.

• If there is a portion of class the student enjoys, give him/her positive attention and feedback, especially during this part of class.
• If the enjoyment does not come directly from movement, try to remind yourself  that not everyone will feel as you do about dance, and then find ways to allow your student(s) to enjoy the aspects of dance they are most fond of.
  • For instance, if it is socializing they want, make it a point to encourage socializing outside of class if possible (dance studio slumber parties, pizza parties when students earn enough points for behavior in class, etc.)
  • Or, occasionally in class (quiz days where the students can work together on a vocabulary game, 5 minutes to socialize at the end of a productive class, etc.).

Be Crystal Clear

Be clear when giving instructions and be explicit and firm about what you expect from students. Let students know exactly what you are looking for and/or why you are doing certain exercises. If you expect them to get through a class without leaning lazily on the barre then say so when you set your ground rules. If you expect them to work hard for the 60 – 90 minutes they are in class, discuss the rewards for doing so.

Be dependable so that students know what to expect from you. If they are not meeting your expectations, be consistent about not letting them compete, or perform, or remain in class for the day. If you are not sure you have the power as a teacher to enforce these things, talk it over with the studio owner.

Encourage Critical Thinking

Instead of presenting students with conclusions and then offering examples to back it up, try presenting the examples first and let your students draw their own conclusions. “We have a dress code which requires you to wear a leotard, tights, and proper shoes. Why do you think we ask you to adhere to this code?” Or, “I know practicing the same exercises each week can seem boring. Why do you think we do it?” This engages students and allows them to feel like a participant rather than one who is being lectured. As a bonus, this encourages analysis and synthesis skills.

Make Class Sensational

Dance may seem like it is already a very sensory activity, however, watching videos, looking at diagrams of important bone and muscles, manipulating objects that increase students’ understanding of certain concepts or images, using touch or auditory cues — these things make the class interesting and can ignite curiosity and a desire to learn.

Emphasize Mastery of Skills

Designing a method or methods of assessing skills helps students to set goals for improvement. When these goals are focused on clear levels of mastery, students feel less personal risk throughout the learning process. Their self-worth is at stake when their sole measurement is based upon placement in the front row of a dance, medals at a competition, or comparison to others. Many students will give up before risking making a mistake if they feel their value is dependent on these external evaluations of their abilities. Skill-based assessment encourages self-evaluation and motivates from within. (Click here for more on encouraging self-evaluation)

Perhaps you are thinking. Wait a minute, this sounds like an awful lot of work!

Yes, I suppose if you suddenly tried to do all of these things at once it would be. What’s great about all of these approaches to learning and encouragement is that there is no right or wrong way to get started. Change occurs with gradual steps in the right direction. I often have to remind myself of these core philosophies when dealing with uninspired students. Have patience with yourself. Pick one to try with your classes and take note of how students respond.

Shouldn’t students just do things the way I want them to?

Sometimes I think teachers are inclined to believe that changing tactics for certain students or classes is akin to “caving” or “letting them win.” However, these strategies do not require that you relinquish your principles. In fact, they often allow students to see more clearly the reasons certain standards and ethics are important.

Meeting students where they are is much more efficient than wasting your energy trying to drag them along with you. Though these strategies do take effort, they won’t drain your energy, they may even invigorate you! And in the long run, you may find you no longer need to beat your head against a wall, go hoarse from yelling, or waste time threatening or bribing unmotivated students. Class will be easier for you and your students – you’ll all enjoy the process a lot more!

A Note on Playing Detective in Severe Cases

Sometimes lack of motivation can be a product of even deeper issues than lack of confidence. In severe cases, I try to play detective and get a sense for what is going on. Different tactics work for different kids. Sometimes a talk with the parents is needed. Maybe a one-on-one chat with the student. Perhaps it requires comparing notes with other teachers. Occasionally it’s all of the above.

Find out what they’re afraid of or insecure about and try to remove or alleviate the fear factor. Are they feeling bullied by other students? (yes, girls bully too) Are parents putting pressure on them “from the sidelines?” (also see our life as a dance mom guest post – friend or fanatic?) Are they comparing themselves to other students?

Obviously, as a teacher, you may be limited in your ability to help. Sometimes, accepting that there is nothing you can do and suggesting that a negative or severely unmotivated student move on or try another activity is the best thing you can do for yourself, and for others around them.

Appraising the Value of Praise

One of the desires of a teacher or a parent is to create an environment within which self-esteem can grow in a child. The goal is to build confidence in a healthy way so that they can better deal with the every-day adversities and challenges that life brings, both as children and adults. Often, parents and teachers take action by providing children with plenty of praise, accolades, and awards. But, is there such a thing as too much praise? Is it possible for praise to backfire? How can one instill confidence without creating a dependence on external approval?

Too Much of a Good Thing?

Most experts seem to agree that empty praise like “Good job!” or “You’re awesome!” is ineffective because children recognize that these statements are not always accurately or sincerely offered. It has been found that students praised for being smart are less motivated to achieve than those appreciated for working hard. They believe their intelligence to be unchangeable rather than something that can be improved upon, in turn affecting their performance:

“Kids who get too much praise are less likely to take risks, are highly sensitive to failure and are more likely to give up when faced with a challenge.” – Why Praise Can Be Bad For Kids, ABC news

As you can see, because of such findings, it has often been surmised that too much praise can be a bad thing (as noted in the quote above). However, similar outcomes might also apply in students who are continually criticized. So is too much praise really the problem or is it something else?

Descriptive and Appreciative vs. Evaluative

A statement is evaluative any time we use “good,” “poor,” or “excellent” to label a person, skill, or effort.  Assigning a judgment tells the dancer how they should feel about themselves or what they did. Faced with continuous evaluation (be it positive or negative) by others, a student begins to depend on this feedback for forming opinions about themselves (self-approval/disapproval).

Evaluative Statements provide only temporary results. Sooner or later a student will find they cannot live up to your assessment. They may try to prove you wrong or, become discouraged, remembering all the times they weren’t “great” or “sweet,” or, feel disappointment any time their pirouettes are not deemed “wonderful.” Children labeled as “good” at something are less likely to discover exactly what their strengths or weaknesses are and therefore cannot build upon these things. Their improvement may slow or stop altogether or, they may focus only on this area, striving for more approval.

Why Do We Evaluate?

There are many reasons we fall into a cycle of evaluative praise or judgments. One, it’s easy and requires little thought. Another, more subliminal reason is because it creates dependency. It makes our opinions about what is good or bad matter and encourages the student to conform to our ideals, keeping us in a position of authority.

Be More Specific

Professionals in the field of education encourage teachers and parents to be specific when offering praise and, to avoid labeling children. Recognizing that students respond better when the focus is on the effort or work involved, it is presumed that the type of praise, not the amount, affects performance and motivation. “Your pirouettes look great!” is more specific than “Great job, Alison!” “Brooke, you’re spotting really well.” is clearer still. Even more effective, because it focuses on the work involved, might be something like “Hayden, you’ve been working hard on your alignment at the barre. Your pirouettes look wonderful!”

However, consider the power of a statement that avoids evaluating even the skill itself and, instead, simply describes and appreciates their accomplishment. For instance:

EVALUATIVE — “Hayden, you’ve been working hard on your alignment at the barre. Your pirouettes look wonderful!”

DESCRIPTIVE — “Hayden, thank you for working so hard on your alignment at the barre. Your turns have really improved!“

Descriptive and Appreciative Praise may seem unnatural or more cumbersome at first. It is likely that you will occasionally find yourself offering an evaluative statement – don’t be too hard on yourself! As you know, practice is key to forming positive habits and change. Like the comment to Hayden above, many times only a slight change is needed to make a remark more descriptive and less evaluative. It won’t take long until you’ve mastered the technique!

Here are some simple guidelines:

• Use “Thank you for…” instead of “Good job.” to show your appreciation for their work/attitude.
• Describe specifically what you see, hear, or feel - “Your spotting was really crisp and clear.” vs. “You’re a great turner.” or “Your comment to Jill hurt her feelings.” vs. “What a mean thing to say!”
• Stick to the facts about how you feel - “When you talk in class, I feel frustrated that I have to talk over you to be heard. It concerns me that you won’t hear what I have to say.” vs. “It is really rude to talk while I’m talking. You obviously don’t care about your dancing.” (I, I, I instead of you, you, you)
• Present a bigger challenge – “Now, try a triple pirouette!” vs. “Excellent double!” This works for a negative, too. If the students are spinning like tops but not maintaining their turnout don’t congratulate them for getting a quadruple, ask “Can you keep your legs turned out and still do the quad?”
• Avoid labeling – “Thanks for helping me put away the props!” vs. “You are so sweet!” or “I don’t appreciate your tone.” vs. “Alright, Ms. Attitude, that’s enough!”

With your conscious effort to select words that are encouraging without being controlling, that focus on the deed not the doer, your students will be able to form their own opinions about themselves, their actions, and abilities. By fostering, rather than fashioning their healthy self-esteem, your students can feel secure, capable, and supported and will become more confident and responsible as a result.

Further Reading

• Praise That Builds a Child’s Self-Esteem
• The Power of Praise
• Why Praise Can Be Bad For Kids
• Montessori Classroom – Descriptive and Evaluative Praise
• Can Adults Praise Children Too Much? (some alternative opinions presented here)

Practice some Descriptive Praise right now!

1. List three things that you might want to praise your students for in your next class.
2. Then, select ways you might state your praise descriptively.
3. Look for opportunities to use the phrases you’ve prepared/practiced in your next class.

Be sure to list your three phrases below in the comments so that others can see some more great examples!

And, let us know if you use or try this technique in class and share your results or thoughts!