Help! My Child Doesn’t Listen to the Dance Teacher!

Concerned parents sometimes send questions regarding their child’s dance education. Keeping in mind that email questions often paint a limited picture, I do my best to offer sound advice based upon my experiences as a teacher. Recently a reader approached me with a series of questions. Based on her daughter’s difficulties with listening to the ballet teacher, this particular mother was wondering if perhaps ballet was just “not right” for her four-year-old daughter and was considering discontinuing her involvement, but wanted a second opinion.

Without observing the class or the child, it is obviously impossible to offer more than guidelines or things to consider when a child is not responding or responding negatively to instruction. Knowing that other parents may be asking themselves similar questions, I am offering an expanded version of the advice I gave to the parent mentioned above.

My child is not listening to the teacher. Is this a developmental phase?

Children do test limits and this is not limited to preschoolers – How does one know where a boundary is and feel secure that it will always be there if one does not occasionally walk to the edge of it?

Teachers and parents help children by making boundaries and expectations clear (often before the child has a chance to test them). When a child continually resists or pushes, even when limits are clear and consistent,  I suspect that something is interfering with the child’s ability to respond accordingly. A wide variety of things could be the source of this interference. Taking steps to discover what is going on with an individual child and what does work for him or her is a big step toward improvement of the child’s behavior in class.

I suggest you make an appointment with the child’s teacher to discuss what he/she is seeing in class, as well as set up a time to observe the class if possible. It is important for teachers and parent(s) to work together on possible solutions.

Is a preschooler (under 5-years old) too young to be expected to listen?

Absolutely not – in fact, the benefit of an early start in dance has more to do with the practice of following instructions in a class format than it does with preparing for later success as a dancer (some of the greatest professionals have had “late” starts). I’ve rarely encountered a child that does not enjoy moving (and learning about the principles of movement) when it is presented in a developmentally friendly way. This, in my humble opinion, should be the focus of early dance education.

What can I do if my child isn’t following directions in class?

1. 

   Image by Oude School via Flickr

   Keep your routine at home as predictable and peaceful as possible. Make sure your child is getting enough sleep, eating well, and try to relieve any stress or anxiety he/she may have at home or in class (is this a new teacher from last year, is there conflict between your child and another, has the class environment intensified in some way?) Sometimes even small or unexpected things can affect a child’s attention and behavior.

2. Be clear and consistent with expectations at home and compare these to the class expectations. Of course, your style at home and the way your child’s teacher runs his/her class will not be identical. However, communicating and receiving (with an open mind) ideas about what works (or doesn’t) for a particular child can enlighten a plan for how to help a child cooperate, both at home and in the studio. If the rules/guidelines at home or within the studio are not in line with each other (for example the child is expected to not interrupt the teacher while talking but this behavior is pardoned at home, or at home a “countdown” warning is given before leaving or moving on to another activity and in class activities change without warning), the child may become confused about what is expected of him/her. Consistency is key.
3. Help your child establish a good relationship with his/her teacher. On her website, Dr. Laura Markham offers some tips on how to include your child’s teacher in daily conversation in a way that will help your child form an emotional and familiar attachment with him/her. Click here to read the article, which also includes other ways you can help your preschooler learn to listen to a teacher.

I have a bit more to add on this subject. Tomorrow, look for the continuation of this post in which I discuss class structure for young dance students and how certain experiences may discourage your child’s attentiveness in class.

Appraising the Value of Praise

One of the desires of a teacher or a parent is to create an environment within which self-esteem can grow in a child. The goal is to build confidence in a healthy way so that they can better deal with the every-day adversities and challenges that life brings, both as children and adults. Often, parents and teachers take action by providing children with plenty of praise, accolades, and awards. But, is there such a thing as too much praise? Is it possible for praise to backfire? How can one instill confidence without creating a dependence on external approval?

Too Much of a Good Thing?

Most experts seem to agree that empty praise like “Good job!” or “You’re awesome!” is ineffective because children recognize that these statements are not always accurately or sincerely offered. It has been found that students praised for being smart are less motivated to achieve than those appreciated for working hard. They believe their intelligence to be unchangeable rather than something that can be improved upon, in turn affecting their performance:

“Kids who get too much praise are less likely to take risks, are highly sensitive to failure and are more likely to give up when faced with a challenge.” – Why Praise Can Be Bad For Kids, ABC news

As you can see, because of such findings, it has often been surmised that too much praise can be a bad thing (as noted in the quote above). However, similar outcomes might also apply in students who are continually criticized. So is too much praise really the problem or is it something else?

Descriptive and Appreciative vs. Evaluative

A statement is evaluative any time we use “good,” “poor,” or “excellent” to label a person, skill, or effort.  Assigning a judgment tells the dancer how they should feel about themselves or what they did. Faced with continuous evaluation (be it positive or negative) by others, a student begins to depend on this feedback for forming opinions about themselves (self-approval/disapproval).

Evaluative Statements provide only temporary results. Sooner or later a student will find they cannot live up to your assessment. They may try to prove you wrong or, become discouraged, remembering all the times they weren’t “great” or “sweet,” or, feel disappointment any time their pirouettes are not deemed “wonderful.” Children labeled as “good” at something are less likely to discover exactly what their strengths or weaknesses are and therefore cannot build upon these things. Their improvement may slow or stop altogether or, they may focus only on this area, striving for more approval.

Why Do We Evaluate?

There are many reasons we fall into a cycle of evaluative praise or judgments. One, it’s easy and requires little thought. Another, more subliminal reason is because it creates dependency. It makes our opinions about what is good or bad matter and encourages the student to conform to our ideals, keeping us in a position of authority.

Be More Specific

Professionals in the field of education encourage teachers and parents to be specific when offering praise and, to avoid labeling children. Recognizing that students respond better when the focus is on the effort or work involved, it is presumed that the type of praise, not the amount, affects performance and motivation. “Your pirouettes look great!” is more specific than “Great job, Alison!” “Brooke, you’re spotting really well.” is clearer still. Even more effective, because it focuses on the work involved, might be something like “Hayden, you’ve been working hard on your alignment at the barre. Your pirouettes look wonderful!”

However, consider the power of a statement that avoids evaluating even the skill itself and, instead, simply describes and appreciates their accomplishment. For instance:

EVALUATIVE — “Hayden, you’ve been working hard on your alignment at the barre. Your pirouettes look wonderful!”

DESCRIPTIVE — “Hayden, thank you for working so hard on your alignment at the barre. Your turns have really improved!“

Descriptive and Appreciative Praise may seem unnatural or more cumbersome at first. It is likely that you will occasionally find yourself offering an evaluative statement – don’t be too hard on yourself! As you know, practice is key to forming positive habits and change. Like the comment to Hayden above, many times only a slight change is needed to make a remark more descriptive and less evaluative. It won’t take long until you’ve mastered the technique!

Here are some simple guidelines:

• Use “Thank you for…” instead of “Good job.” to show your appreciation for their work/attitude.
• Describe specifically what you see, hear, or feel - “Your spotting was really crisp and clear.” vs. “You’re a great turner.” or “Your comment to Jill hurt her feelings.” vs. “What a mean thing to say!”
• Stick to the facts about how you feel - “When you talk in class, I feel frustrated that I have to talk over you to be heard. It concerns me that you won’t hear what I have to say.” vs. “It is really rude to talk while I’m talking. You obviously don’t care about your dancing.” (I, I, I instead of you, you, you)
• Present a bigger challenge – “Now, try a triple pirouette!” vs. “Excellent double!” This works for a negative, too. If the students are spinning like tops but not maintaining their turnout don’t congratulate them for getting a quadruple, ask “Can you keep your legs turned out and still do the quad?”
• Avoid labeling – “Thanks for helping me put away the props!” vs. “You are so sweet!” or “I don’t appreciate your tone.” vs. “Alright, Ms. Attitude, that’s enough!”

With your conscious effort to select words that are encouraging without being controlling, that focus on the deed not the doer, your students will be able to form their own opinions about themselves, their actions, and abilities. By fostering, rather than fashioning their healthy self-esteem, your students can feel secure, capable, and supported and will become more confident and responsible as a result.

Further Reading

• Praise That Builds a Child’s Self-Esteem
• The Power of Praise
• Why Praise Can Be Bad For Kids
• Montessori Classroom – Descriptive and Evaluative Praise
• Can Adults Praise Children Too Much? (some alternative opinions presented here)

Practice some Descriptive Praise right now!

1. List three things that you might want to praise your students for in your next class.
2. Then, select ways you might state your praise descriptively.
3. Look for opportunities to use the phrases you’ve prepared/practiced in your next class.

Be sure to list your three phrases below in the comments so that others can see some more great examples!

And, let us know if you use or try this technique in class and share your results or thoughts!

How to Conduct Oneself as a Professional – Part II

This is a continuation of Part I of How to Conduct Yourself as a Professional which dealt with leadership, positive attitude, and work ethic.

Generosity

When I think of someone that displays ultimate professionalism, I see a person who is generous with their gifts, generous with their time, and generous in spirit.  This person is easy to collaborate with because he/she communicates with kindness.  This professional wants everyone around them to be their best and helps them to do so by being supportive and encouraging.  When a colleague is struggling, this person does not belittle or put her down.  He/she is aware enough to look for moments in which they can offer help that will not be embarrassing to the individual or interrupt the rest of the group.  And, help does not always mean showing or telling another how to do something.  Often an encouraging smile or a word or two that will lighten the person’s mood and frustration level is most helpful.  Also, being generous does not mean that you must lie to make another person feel good.  A professional still tells it like it is but avoids hurting other people in the process.  A generous and professional performer, collaborator, or contributor brings out the best in others because instead of focusing on I and me, a generous person concentrates on we and us.

Awareness of one’s surroundings and the other people in them is important but a professional must also be Read more

How to Conduct Oneself as a Professional – Part I

What does it mean to conduct oneself as a professional?

Someone that is consummate professional in their career and in their life is essentially a strong leader.  Years ago I was the drum major for my high school band (Yes, I know my geek quotient just went up but I wear it proudly).  In preparation for that role I was sent to a week-long camp to essentially learn how to be a drum major.  While there, I learned many valuable lessons during leadership training.  In fact, I kept the Leadership Seminar packet and will now offer its list of Quality Leadership Traits:

• A sense of humor
• A passionate interest in more than one thing
• High energy levels
• Tolerance of changing moods
• Knows how to listen
• Creative Read more

The Back-to-School Teach-a-thon is here!!

Read more

Negativity

The mindset plays a very serious role in how we dance. Negative self-talk is damaging and has a way of oozing out to the people around you, actually affecting the performance of others. For instance, a little joke, a negative or sarcastic comment about your dancing can lead to another dancer feeling worse about any problems he/she may be having in the class. Even your teacher may feel as though she is failing the class in some way or respond to your negativity with more negativity.

At their best, negative comments accomplish absolutely nothing and, at their worst, succeed in increasing doubt and even hurt feelings throughout the class.

Once I had a teen in ballet class that seemed so unmotivated and negative. I could tell she liked barre but felt uncoordinated in center work. Her confidence was low in areas outside of dance and it was reflected in her lack of presentation with her upper body. I was determined to see her succeed in class, mostly because I could see that she didn’t believe she could. There was just no ignoring her, either! She was very negative about anything in class that she “couldn’t” do and used her quick wit to complain or put herself down, ruining everyone’s experience. I often felt horrible about the class afterward but, I knew that there was more to her actions than what was on the surface. I didn’t give up.

That year we did a dance with a variety of characters and I decided to play up the strengths in her lower body and letting her arms free flow as it fit for that particular character. Obviously we still worked on upper body in class but in the dance she was just as important as all the other characters. From that point on she was a different kid and improved her port de bras by 200%.

To illustrate how far she’d come, I wrote her a note at the conclusion of the year and encouraged her to avoid taking a step backward next year. You see, I was leaving and wanted her to keep going forward with a new teacher. I reminded her that a new instructor would have different and important things to teach her and asked her to imagine her progress if, from the beginning, she willingly responded to guidance without any negativity or fear.

Maybe you can identify with that student. Perhaps you are feeling insecure or uncertain. It’s easy to be afraid of something new, something untried, and of not being good enough at what you do try. Your strengths can and will shine more brightly than any weaknesses if you allow them. This is a lesson I think every dancer has to learn, myself included. In fact, it’s something I still struggle with every time I take a class that is challenging. Once you learn to truly appreciate what you do well, the areas in which you need improvement (which can seem overwhelming at times) will become less of a hindrance. Feeling good about yourself will unlock your full potential as a dancer, and possibly in other areas.

Others have lots to say on the topic of negative self-talk and/or positive thinking:
Dance (in this case belly dancing) and negative self-talk (the themes in this article can apply universally)
Psychology of Dance (also see an excerpt of this book here)
The Power of Positive Thinking
Enhancing the Body/Brain Connection
Train Your Brain: A Teen’s Guide to Well Being
Improve Your Attitude in Dance Class

How has negativity (yours or someone else’s) affected you in a dance class?

What are some things you can do to help “positively charge” the atmosphere?

A Dancer’s Guide: Tips for College (Part II)

Tips for College Part I dealt with what to expect in technique classes and performance rehearsals, as well as some tips for success in these areas. In continuation of the series, I will highlight two aspects of dance in higher education with which many incoming students have little experience.

Improvisation

Improvisation may be an entirely new concept for some of you (if we’re not counting the off-the-cuff choreography you’ve performed in front of your bedroom mirror). I count myself very lucky to have had early experience in creative dance and improvisation at my hometown studio. At the time, I did not realize it was a rarity. However, it was not long into my first year as a dance major that a professor introduced the concept of improvisational movement and began leading the class in some beginning exercises. I could feel tension among the students. Some were nervous to appear so vulnerable in front of their peers and instructor and others had no idea how to start or what to do. A few that had before been asked to move as they’d like in a dance studio class had perhaps had no guidance and had always used the moments to re-hash their favorite moves or try something they’d seen the older kids do. It seemed likely that this was not what the professor was looking for. Fear suddenly paralyzed some of the most talented dancers in the class. If you are an experienced improviser, your background will serve you well in the college environment. If you are in the other group, don’t panic! Improvisation, just like technique, takes practice to move comfortably and confidently. And you will get plenty of practice now that you are entering this new phase in your study of dance. So…

• Tip #5: Don’t be afraid to just take a deep breath and go for it. You may feel like a fool, but the only people that looked foolish that day in my class were those that were too afraid or insecure to make the most of the opportunity. They giggled, marked their movement, or froze altogether rather than bravely being willing to appear awkward or even unsophisticated.

Modern Dance, Contemporary Concepts

Modern dance may be new to many of you as well. It is a very important part of many dance programs because it was within academic establishments that Modern techniques were developed and the art form found its foothold in America. Despite its prominence at universities, few dance studios offer Modern Dance techniques in their curriculum. Some of you may compete in (or witness) Modern at competitions. However, often only some of those that compete in this category are studying modern dance techniques and usually even less are utilizing the choreographic processes typical of Modern Dance. If you are one of the few, kudos to your dance school.

The art form of Modern Dance (and Contemporary dance forms in general) is more than just performing the techniques and steps with which it is associated. That is the “how” but Modern Dance also asks “why.” Without the process or investigation of this question, a dancer or choreographer is offering their interpretation of Modern Dance. In other words, a dance may look expressive or emotive, contain un-balletic poses or rolling on the floor, and be accompanied by unconventional music choices, but can lack the artistic intent of contemporary dance forms that you will be asked to explore in college and beyond. I believe I’m safe to assume that many of you will find what is expected of you in your study of Modern Dance (and perhaps other dance forms as well) in a university setting to be very different from your studio at home. There will be more emphasis on dancing with an understanding of how the body functions and how something feels (as opposed to how it looks), on working apart from or even against the music as you dance, on presenting abstract meaning or intent through movement, and on discovering ways of moving that are new or even unflattering. With all of that in mind…

• Tip #6: Embrace the task at hand. Focus simply on the task your teacher, who is guiding you in your exploration, has charged. When you are uncertain or just learning, solving one problem at a time will keep you from getting wrapped up in trying to make something spectacular instead of discovering something spectacular. A direction as simple as “dance with one elbow attached to the ground” or “let your breath guide each movement” may seem silly at first and you may be tempted to think that you don’t need this exercise to be a good dancer. But, don’t think, just try it, because these silly little exercises will help you grow from someone who makes dance into someone who can express themselves through dance.

Filling in the Gaps

There may be a point during your college career that someone may imply that there have been gaps in your dance education and you are faced with breaking old habits or learning something in a different way. If or when this occurs, I encourage you to resist becoming indignant. Refer back to Part I and learn to trust your new instructors, letting go of any assumptions that you “already know how to do” whatever they are asking you to do. As a college instructor, it was often frustrating for me to see talented students holding on so tightly to what their teachers “back home” had told them that their progress in my class stalled. In fact, the students who improved most rapidly in my beginning level classes were those who had little to no dance experience because they held no preconceived notions and could absorb all that I offered them. I encountered students with 14 years or so of studio experience which had yielded many bad habits from repetition of poor technique. Unfortunately in some cases, these “experienced” students seemed unsatisfied with re-examining the basics after having been considered “advanced” dancers at home. It would have benefited these students to remember that even professionals consistently work to better understand and perform the basics of their technique.

I hope that my wording in this post has not made anyone feel that their instruction up to this point has not been worthwhile. While it is wonderful when dance schools for young students take steps to provide an understanding of the more creative or artistic side of dance (and as you may know, I highly encourage this), I realize that teaching students to execute dance is the primary function of a studio. You should not feel shortchanged if your school has provided you with a solid technical foundation and performance experience. You have plenty of time to dig deeper in your understanding of movement and to mature as an artist.

Read on to Part III…

Bullying in Dance Class

What does a bully look like?

We tend to picture a bully as a big, tough, boy that picks on those smaller or younger than himself. However, there has been a lot of discussion lately within educational circles about bullying and we are slowly learning that bullies come in many forms. Although dance can foster understanding and a sense of community among young people, dance classes are not immune to episodes of bullying.

Boys in dance often receive taunting, teasing and physical harassment from sources outside their dance school. Sometimes the effects of this bullying can have serious consequences as they did for one young man in Derby, England. It is not as widely recognized, however, that male students can sometimes be bullied by females in their dance classes. After all, boys are typically outnumbered and often a subject of fascination for the females in a typical studio environment. In fact, girls are every bit as capable of bullying as boys, however their style or methods of tormenting usually differ.

Girls tend to practice what is called relational aggression. They manipulate, taunt, and tease on an emotional level that often flies under the radar of teachers. Here are some sources that will help you spot and understand relational aggression in action:

• Girls Bullying Girls
• Girl Bullies
• Relational Aggression (defines some of the “types” like Queen Bee, Bystander, etc. and offers additional links)
• The Ophelia Project

A Teacher’s Role

In all cases of intimidation, there are usually adults that excuse bullying with, “boys will be boys” or “girls will be girls,” feel that bullying is just something everyone must deal with at some point in life, or consider the behavior as part of a phase that will pass. Even though certain age groups are more prone to experience or exhibit bullying behavior, students deserve to learn in an environment that is safe from abuse. Dance classes for pre-teens and teens are a social, as well as an educational environment where cliques and competition can flourish. In addition, students often bring their school-lives into the dance studio despite being urged to “leave it at the door.” Dance teachers can help to combat problems by learning to recognize episodes of bullying and adopting a no-tolerance policy on destructive behavior in their class even before it becomes a problem.

Why stop bullying?

It’s been my experience that students thrive when they are free to create, succeed, and fail in a class without the stress of facing snickers, rude comments, or pressure to join in on bad behavior from other classmates.

Need more reasons?

The Stop Bullying Now! website has a concise list (please visit their website for details and more information on bullying).

1. Many children are involved in bullying and most are extremely concerned about it.
2. Bullying can seriously affect the mental health, academic work, and physical health of children who are targeted.
3. Children who bully are more likely than other children to be engaged in other antisocial, violent, or troubling behavior.
4. Bullying can negatively affect children who observe bullying going on around them–even if they aren’t targeted themselves.
5. Bullying is a form of victimization or abuse, and it is wrong. Children should be able to attend school or take part in community activities without fear of being harassed, assaulted, belittled, or excluded.

If your pre-teens or teens are already engaging in bullying behaviors,

What can you do in your dance classes right now?

Take some time out of an upcoming class to sit down with the students and create rules about bullying. Having a heart-to-heart right after an episode occurs may embarrass the bullied student (which is not the point) of the exercise. However, now is better than never. Essentially, as soon as you feel prepared to address the subject calmly and objectively, go for it!

Start out with a discussion about what constitutes bullying.

1. Ask the students to come up with a list of actions that they would consider to be bullying (whispering and giggling, rolling eyes, etc.).
2. Next, have them create a set of rules to follow in class that will stop bullying.
3. And finally, come up with appropriate consequences for breaking the rules. Make sure the rules are clear and concise so that the bully can’t talk their way out of punishment. For example, No Whispering. That means no whispering… period. Doesn’t matter what the whispering was about because they will try to convince you that it wasn’t malicious. Stick to the rule and the consequence every time.

I’ve also found it helpful to create, in general, a supportive environment in class.

1. Encourage students to clap for other groups after they’ve crossed the floor or performed in front of the rest of the class.
2. Offer comments like “good try,” “don’t give up,” or “you nailed the timing, Susie!” in addition to corrections is helpful, and don’t forget to praise students who exhibit supportive and positive behavior.
3. Demonstrate constructive criticism, teaching students to look for positives and “needs improvement” in others’ work, then make it a point to provide opportunities for students to practice constructive criticism (Teach students how to properly offer constructive criticism. Be careful! If there is already a lot of negative behavior running through the class, do not allow bullies to use this exercise as another opportunity to intimidate or belittle. If this is a problem, consider holding off on allowing students to practice criticism until behavior and attitudes have improved overall.)

What to do if bullying continues.

Pull aside the offender after class. Provide specific examples of his/her bullying and/or breaking the rules, make it clear this is not acceptable, and let him/her know that this is a warning that will be followed with specific consequences if the behavior does not stop. It may also help to pull the bullied student aside and let him/her know of your plans to end the bullying so that he/she feels some reassurance that you are aware of the problem and are taking action to prevent it.

There are lots of ways for parents and teachers to deal with and prevent bullying. The links I’ve included above offer suggestions, as well as support for victims and even more links on the subject of relational aggression.

Have you been bullied in a dance class? If you are a teacher, how have you prevented bullying behavior in your class/school?