Ideally parents and studio directors would see eye to eye on everything but we all know that it doesn’t always happen that way. Dance parents invest almost as much (if not equal) time as dance students in their dance school. Not to mention, the financial investment for lessons, costumes, private classes, competitions, and more. It isn’t unusual or surprising, therefore, that parents may have a lot to say about how a studio is run.

Parents, it is not at all unreasonable to express your concern over the policies at your school. However, if you are hoping to discuss changes with a teacher or director, follow this plan for making your approach.

1. Take a breath
2. Develop an argument
3. Time your approach
4. Buffer your complaint
5. Be willing to listen
   
6. Be willing to walk away

Take A Breath

Often when there is a problem or we’re upset about something, our feelings get all jumbled up with our reasons for wanting to see change happen. For example, a dance mom recently contacted me with concern about the attire (bra tops and booty shorts) which older company dancers are wearing for class or for assisting with younger students. In her question she added one reason she wants to see a change – the attire is not morally upstanding, and several ways it makes her feel – she finds it embarrassing, believes this makes the girls poor role models, and maintains that it does not match the values she wishes to uphold for her daughter (a younger student at the school).

Whether or not you or I agree with her reason or her feelings, they are legitimate. However, if she were to approach the director with only one reason and a whole jumble of feelings, you might see how this could be a problem, especially if the director doesn’t agree with that rationale or have the same feelings. Therefore, it is important to always take a moment. a breath. a day. a week. or two! to think through your argument.

Imagine the director feels the girls are good role models and that they show this in ways outside of what they wear. Imagine the director of the school does not share her value system, or disagrees that wearing this attire is morally incorrect. Imagine he/she is not embarrassed by the attire (or lack thereof) – many dancers don’t have the same uncomfortable feelings about the human form as others because they spend so much time on study and analysis of the body. Imagine no other parents or teachers at the studio have expressed concern on the matter.

When a parent presents well-thought out arguments for how or why the director should be handling something differently, he/she is much more likely to consider the complaint.

Develop An Argument

Before approaching a studio owner/director with a concern it is a good idea to think through the varying reasons a change may be in order. The rationale for your argument can include the personal reasons you would like to see things done differently but may also include other arguments to support your claim.

Going back to the problem with attire, our concerned dance mom could argue that girls struggling with weight or body insecurities (like breast size) may feel additional pressure or inadequacy when surrounded by girls in clothing that hides (or supports) nothing. The dancer uniform of leotard and tights allows the instructor to see what they need to – it won’t solve any difficulties a student is having with body image, but the wide variety of class appropriate leotards, support garments, and warm-ups means greater likelihood that young women of varying body types will find something that works for them. In the case of this mom, the director is a male. There is a chance he’s never thought of it that way and this argument alone could be enough to sway him if presented calmly and clearly.

This is but one practical argument. Coming up with multiple grounds for concern increases your chance of finding one that makes the difference.

Time Your Approach

This is so important! I can speak from experience as one on the receiving end of parent concerns (for a variety of issues) that the way a parent approaches me can have a tremendous affect on my response. Think about the ways this is true for yourself, in your work or at home!

The timing of your approach can make or break your argument. Set a time that is convenient for the teacher/studio owner to sit down for a discussion rather than confronting her between classes or while she is “on duty” with other responsibilities of the work day.

Hopefully your studio has a protocol or outlet for communicating concerns. For instance, when or how to approach an individual teacher with a concern or question and when it is best to set up a meeting with the studio owner. I recently sat in on a teleseminar with Suzanne Gerety and Kathy Blake of DanceStudioOwner.com in which they addressed the “Diva Syndrome” at studios. I was so impressed with the thorough system of dealing with problems and confrontations that has been developed at Kathy Blake Dance Studios over the years. They have managed to empower dance teachers and set clear guidelines for studio parents and students. If your studio does not have such a protocol established, you may need to go forward more carefully. Thoughtfully deciding to whom, how, and when you’ll address your concern. Please, don’t talk, gossip about, or sway opinions on the issue with other parents, students, or teachers. It won’t help your case and it will lead to negative feelings on every level.

Buffer Your Complaint

I’ve spent years teaching and, like most jobs worth doing, it is a thankless one. Someone who has taken the time to offer compliments along the way, or who approaches me with positive things to say about the tremendous work I’ve put in, gets further than those who approach me only to say something negative or tell me when I’ve done something wrong. Dance teachers and studio directors are no different from anyone else in their desire for criticisms to be delivered with care. So, making yourself heard is often a matter not of what you say but how you say it.

Be Willing To Listen

Most instructors think and debate with themselves on each choice they make. We are heavily invested in your child too! A teacher has a right to her opinions, feelings, and choices just as you, the parent, have a right to yours. Once you have had your say, stay open to the arguments she presents. Her reasons may be good ones!

Be Willing To Walk Away

You may do all the “right” things when you approach the studio owner and still not receive the desired response. It is okay to request change as long as you are willing to also accept that it is the director or teacher’s prerogative to run things according to his values and/or the prevailing attitude of her customers, and leave the school respectfully if preserving his choices will compromise the values you seek to uphold or if you no longer feel comfortable in the environment.

© Nichelle Strzepek for Dance Advantage, 2010. | Permalink | Category: Blog, Competing, Featured, For Parents of Young Children, Parenting Dancers | Who's talking about this article?